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These battles are not ones I chose. Yes, I walked into them knowing my faith would be strengthened. (Even as I am typing this, this is the time in the heat of the battlefield, where things are being blown and tossed around crazily.) I hope I share with you that giving up is not an option for me. Faith doesn't let 'giving up' exist. However, being a human/mortal, there are such things that hinder that potential.
I am currently faced with some situations. Though I don't understand them, I pray and constantly hope that the greater good of these happenings is being played out to its maximum goodness. What is happening I have learned that I do not have control over anything except my action of obedience. I can choose to pursue what my mind lays out as best, but having higher ones above me saying I shouldn't take those paths, keeps me seated where I am. If things were under my care only, which they full-well are not, I would do the exact opposite of what has been asked of me, which I have been doing.
This particular situation, I am scared, is weakening what is out there for me to benefit. I know full well, and have prayed many times about this, that I still have a purpose in being around. I have prayed to God and asked Him to take me unless I can be used. Call this spiritual-assisted suicide, or something of the like, if you will, but I believe when my body dies, my life mission is over. (I am just visiting Earth, if you want to look at it that way. My body is a gift from God - a suit - so evil gravity does not separate my masses.)
Anyways, this situation saddens me because, out of obedience to my 'authorities', I must do what 'goes against the grain' in my mind. Now, becoming helpless, as a contributor to this situation (meaning I am unable to contribute my say), I can only voice to God what I perceive as happening. I perceive this situation as a battlefield and the enemy might currently be advancing too much. This frightens me.
It is not honorable to God to revolt against the authority over me, therefore I feel I am not allowed to have a say. It is not honorable to God to fight at this point, being reminded of the psalm "be still" and in the exodus "I will fight for you." I find it 'going against the grain' within me to sit back and watch something happen that has not proved itself to be good or worthy [yet].
Overall, yes I am praying for nothing but good to result from this change. I think because the whole issue hasn't resolved yet, that leaves the feeling inside me kind of 'on edge', thus the helpless feeling of 'going against the grain within me'.
When you are face to face with a situation you can't do anything to help, no matter how much money you have or what abilities you were set with in life, there is nothing you can do to help the unfortunate in front of you. If that extreme chance has happened to you, you and I both know (hopefully), that the passion inside of us is an overwhelming amount - nothing God intended. When all possibilities of help have been exhausted - (visualize this) you collapse to the ground in front of a pure shining light, 'help' is on your mind, but you are speechless, not even tears, the situation has transformed to that of a burden on your back, and you want to lift this burden from you to the Eternal, who can help, but you are helpless to the point you cannot get the burden off your back, but the Eternal is there to offer help. But that's the deal, He only offers it until you take the deal - then He completes His part of the deal.
In that visual picture, if you chose to get the help needed, the burden is lifted. However, the situation/battle was never given up on. Only the burden of helping the unfortunate shifted. Before I give up, I want to make sure that I have enough strength/faith to hand it over to the one who CAN help, and will. If I don't give it up, it isn't my situation to have the problem vanish and no longer be a burden. The Eternal can only control that. The burden, still on me, would wear me down, naturally; it will weaken me and eventually rot me. A burden does not give up. Humans choose to surrender to that enemy sometimes rather than giving it to the Eternal.
Giving up on a helpless situation is not an option. Giving up a situation to the Eternal is an option, and, from my experience, is the better option (opposed to keeping it on oneself).
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| | Posted 3/13/2009 11:05 PM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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